Delusions of Grandeur

Beyoncé’s Formation has triggered a tsunami of white tears. There has been an influx of white rage over the perceived messages that were presented in the artwork. I have seen a great deal of commentary & criticism making a few of the same baseless claims: Beyoncé is racist, divisive, anti-police, supports hate groups & that the Super Bowl was not the time or place to push her political agenda.

Clearly, through the eyes of many white people, any mention of the disproportionate police brutality against ‘minorities’, is to insult their service or to spew hate towards all police, not just the bad ones. That any mention of systematic racism & it’s lingering effects is, within itself, an act of racism. By this special kind of logic, to mention the poor outcome of any action, is to perpetuate that action yourself. Many are also claiming that to associate with the Black Panther Party, is to condone or support every single facet of it.

Obviously, too many of these people are unaware of the concept of constructive criticism. They seem to not understand that it’s possible to appreciate & respect something or someone, yet still not let the good they do give them a pass on the wrong they do. If you care about something or someone, don’t you want them to be the best they can be? The police have always had corruption & violence issues since its inception, so for these things to be eliminated, or reduced as much as possible, isn’t it necessary to address them? The first step to solving a problem, is to acknowledge that there is one, is it not?

Foolishly, many people are claiming that the Black Panther Party, at its creation, was an organization based in hate whose main objective was calling for senseless violent acts against white people based solely on their race. Despite the fact that the BPP virtually never engaged in any such activity & that most of any violence they promoted or acted out was strictly as a means of self-defense, white people still feel the need to bring it up as if it’s relevant & even go so far as to compare the group to the KKK, who actually did act out the hate & violence that they preached. They also conveniently never seem to be aware that the BPP did many great things for their communities that were struggling as a direct result of systematic racism, which was implemented by whites. White people are mad about the existence of the BPP & any support for or praise of the group, but consistently fail to mention that it only exists because of the actions of white people. They never want to acknowledge the fact that had America always treated all their citizens as if their lives mattered, the BPP, BET, Affirmative Action, Black Lives Matter, minority scholarship programs & every other government program or racially exclusive organization tailored specifically for PoC (people of color), exists because of white supremacy/privilege. Too often do white people whine about the symptoms of systematic racism, but don’t want to address the disease itself.

Arrogantly, perhaps due to centuries of policing black people & structuring their acceptable amounts & types of blackness, far too many white people continue to feel they have a right to tell black people when, where, how & which parts of the black experience they are allowed to discuss, celebrate or portray. They also too often believe that they somehow obtained the credentials to determine how long it should take black people to “get over” 500 years of living within a racist society. Too many believe that it’s their place to tell others what they should or should not care about. They are too often more concerned about getting black people to stop mentioning systematic racism (because it makes them feel bad [white tears] even though they can’t experience it) than they are about finding ways that they themselves can help end it.

Historically, whites have always glorified their terroris- excuse me, heroes – who in most instances, were violent criminals whose rise to fame & power involved the murder, robbery & exploitation of PoC. I live in the South & there are statues, monuments & streets all over the place named after Confederate soldiers & generals who participated in wars that fought, in part, to maintain their right to keep blacks enslaved. There are housing developments named after plantations. Many white people take pride in these killers & are thankful for the carnage they left behind, as it gave way to the white privilege they all benefit from today. Even those who came later, like the mob & folks like Bonnie & Clyde are hyped. Ted Bundy, Charles Manson & several other serial killers are found to be fascinating, their evil often attributed to mental illness or poor upbringing, but will attribute evils committed by ‘minorities’ to their nature. Many whites will look at a photo of a white person holding a gun & an American or Confederate flag (same difference) & will deem them a patriot, yet will see a photo of a black person holding a gun, waving an RBG flag & will deem them a thug. These are the same type of people crying ‘double-standard’ when it comes to Bey & her dancers wearing BPP garb.

Dear White People: It is not your place to tell any groups of people that have been oppressed & marginalized by your race, what ways are acceptable to celebrate their heritage & racial pride. Blacks do not need your approval for which parts of our history & current circumstances we choose to discuss. We are exposed to your racist history every single day, every time we see an American flag or dollar bills, but you want to cry about a couple of minutes of seeing a few black people dressed up like a group that practiced resilience against a system designed for them to fail? GET OVER YOURSELVES. You don’t get to tell us how to heal & grow from the effects of systematic racism. You have no right to tell us when or where it’s ok to express ourselves. You also don’t get to set the time frame for how long that will take, especially being that systematic racism doesn’t only exist in the past, it still remains today. When you bring up black-on-black crime, the broken black family unit, subpar education, ghettos, etc – don’t forget to mention how an overwhelming majority of those problems came about: systematic racism that was created & implemented by white people. Just because you didn’t have a hand in it doesn’t mean you do not have any responsibility to help clean up the messes & right the wrongs of those before you, because you still reap the benefits from the evils they carried out, while PoC are still trying to heal the wounds. It’s not Beyoncé, those who are singing her praises for her latest work, or the BPP you should be so deeply disgusted by, it should be the series of unfortunate events that led up to these things coming into fruition.

 

Hidden Dragon

Many moons ago, I was in a long-term relationship with a verbally, emotionally & eventually physically abusive young man. Several years into our relationship, while working for a company that occasionally had seminars about various health issues, he came across a pamphlet describing bipolar disorder. He brought it to me, believing that he was suffering from it. After reading it over, I agreed. Towards the end of our relationship as his behavior worsened, I started to research more & saw he had something far worse: Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Over the recent years, mostly in part due to modern technology & social media, more & more incidents of police brutality have been captured & highlighted, the most recent being the incident at Spring Valley High School, and the actions of Daniel Holtzclaw. During my research on my ex’s disorder, I discovered information on several studies concluding that a large population of people in powerful, high-ranking & influential positions, such as CEO’s, managers, police officers, military, professors, actors, politicians, judges, pastors & others, are malignant narcissists. Even an investigative piece on Officer.com, a site for police officers, talks about this.

Studies have also claimed that 1-3 out of every 20 people you meet are a sociopath or psychopath at some level. Malignant narcissists qualify as psychopaths. Here is a list of 20 common traits (Keep in mind that some of these traits exist in people who do not have MNPD. If a person has at least 12 out of the 20, they most likely do):

1. THE PATHOLOGICAL LIAR — skillfully deceptive & very convincing. Avoids accountability by making up diversions, new lies, bluffs or threats when questioned. His memory is self-serving as he denies past statements.

Defense Strategy: Verify his words. Do not reveal anything about yourself – he’ll use it against you. Head for the door when things don’t add up. Don’t ask him questions – you’ll only be inviting more lies.

2. THE CONTRACT BREAKER — agrees to anything, then turns around & does the opposite. Marriage, Legal, Custody agreements, normal social/personal protocols are meaningless. This con artist will accuse you of being the contract breaker. Enjoys orchestrating legal action & playing the role of the ‘poor me’ victim.

Defense Strategy: Expect him to disregard any agreement. Have Plan B in place. Protect yourself financially & emotionally.

3. THE HIGH ROLLER — Successfully plows & backstabs his way to the top. His family a disposable prop in his success facade. Is charismatic, eloquent & intelligent in his field, but often fakes abilities & credentials. Needs to have iron-fisted control, relying on his manipulation skills. Will ruthlessly support, exploit or target others in pursuit of his ever-changing agenda. Mercilessly abuses the power of his position. Uses treachery or terrorism to rule or govern. Potential problem or failure situations are delegated to others. A vindictive bully in the office with no social or personal conscience. Often suspicious & paranoid. Others may support him to further their own Mephistophelean objectives, but this wheeler-dealer leaves them holding the bag. Disappears quickly when consequences loom.

Defense Strategy: Keep your references & resume up to date. Don’t get involved in anything illegal. Document thoroughly to protect yourself. Thwarting them may backlash with a cascade of retaliation. Be on the lookout & spot them running for office & vote them out. Educate yourself about corporate bullies.

4. THE SEXUAL NARCISSIST — is often hypersexual (male or female). Pornography, masturbation, incest are reported by his targets. Anything, anyone, young, old, male/female, are there for his gratification. This predator takes what is available. Can have a preference for ‘sado-maso’ sexuality. Often easily bored, he demands increasingly deviant stimulation. However, another behavior exists, the one who withholds sex or emotional support.

Defense Strategy: Expect this type to try to degrade you. Get away from him. Expect him to tell lies about your sexuality to evade exposure of his own.

5. THE BLAME-GAME NARCISSIST — never accepts responsibility. Blames others for his failures & circumstances. A master at projection.

Defense Strategy: Learn about projection. Don’t take the bait when he blames you. He made the mess let him clean it up.

6. THE VIOLENT NARCISSIST — is a wife-Beater, Murderer, Serial Killer, Stalker & Terrorist. Has a ‘chip-on-his-shoulder’ attitude. He lashes out & destroys or uses others (particularly women & children) as scapegoats for his aggression or revenge. He has poor impulse control. Fearless & guiltless, he shows bad judgment. He anticipates betrayal, humiliation or punishment, imagines rejection & will reject first to ‘get it over with’. He will harass & push to make you pay attention to him & get a reaction. He will try to make you look out of control. Can become dangerous & unpredictable. Has no remorse or regard for the rights of others.

Defense Strategy: Don’t antagonize or tip your hand you’re leaving. Ask for help from the police & shelters.

7. THE CONTROLLER/MANIPULATOR — pits people against each other. Keeps his allies & targets separated. Is verbally skillful at twisting words & actions. Is charismatic & usually gets his way. Often undermines our support network & discourages us from seeing our family & friends. Money is often his objective. Other people’s money is even better. He is ruthless, demanding & cruel. This control-freak bully wants you pregnant, isolated & financially dependent on him. Appears pitiful, confused & in need of help. We rush in to help him with our finances, assets, & talents. We may be used as his proxy interacting with others on his behalf as he sets us up to take the fall or enjoys the performance he is directing.

Defense Strategy: Know the ‘nature of the beast’. Facing his failure & consequences will be his best lesson. Be suspicious of his motives & avoid involvement. Don’t bail him out.

8. THE SUBSTANCE ABUSER — Alcohol, drugs, you name it, he does it. We see his over-indulgence in food, exercise or sex & his need for instant gratification. Will want you to do likewise.

Defense Strategy: Don’t sink to his level. Say No.

9. OUR “SOUL MATE” — is cunning & knows who to select & who to avoid. He will come on strong, sweep us off our feet. He seems to have the same values, interests, goals, philosophies, tastes & habits. He admires our intellect, ambition, honesty & sincerity. He wants to marry us quickly. He fakes integrity, appears helpful, comforting, generous in his ‘idealization’ of us phase. It never lasts. Eventually Jekyll turns into Hyde. His discarded victims suffer emotional & financial devastation. He will very much enjoy the double-dipping attention he gets by cheating. We end the relationship & salvage what we can, or we are discarded quickly as he attaches to a “new perfect soul mate”. He is an opportunistic parasite. Our “Knight in Shining Armor” has become our nightmare. Our healing is lengthy.

Defense Strategy: Seek therapy. Learn about this disorder. Know the red flags of their behavior, & “If he seems too good to be true…” Hide the hurt you feel. Never let him see it. Be watchful for the Internet predator.

10. THE QUIET NARCISSIST — is socially withdrawn, often dirty & unkempt. Odd thinking is observed. Used as a disguise to appear pitiful to obtain whatever he can,

11. THE SADIST — is now the fully unmasked malignant narcissist. His objective is watching us dangle as he inflicts emotional, financial, physical & verbal cruelty. His enjoyment is all too obvious. He’ll be back for more. His pleasure is in getting away with taking other people’s assets. His target: women, children, the elderly, anyone vulnerable.

Defense Strategy: Accept the Jekyll/Hyde reality. Make a “No Contact’ rule. Avoid him altogether. End any avenue of vulnerability. Don’t allow thoughts of his past ‘good guy’ image to lessen the reality of his disorder.

12. THE RAGER — flies off the handle for little or no provocation. Has a severely disproportionate overreaction. Childish tantrums. His rage can be intimidating. He wants control, attention & compliance. In our hurt & confusion we struggle to make things right. Any reaction is his payoff. He seeks both good or bad attention. Even our fear, crying, yelling, screaming, name-calling, hatred are his objectives. If he can get attention by cruelty he will do so.

Defense Strategy: Manage your responses. Be fully independent. Don’t take the bait of his verbal abuse. Expect emotional hurt. Violence is possible.

13. THE BRAINWASHER — is very charismatic. He is able to manipulate others to obtain status, control, compliance, money, attention. Often found in religion & politics. He masterfully targets the naive, vulnerable, uneducated or mentally weak.

Defense Strategy: Learn about brainwashing techniques. Listen to your gut instinct. Avoid them.

14. THE RISK-TAKING THRILL-SEEKER — never learns from his past follies & bad judgment. Poor impulse control is a hallmark.

Defense Strategy: Don’t get involved. Use your own good judgment. Say No.

15. THE PARANOID NARCISSIST — is suspicious of everything usually for no reason. Terrified of exposure & may be dangerous if threatened. Suddenly ends relationships if he anticipates exposure or abandonment.

Defense Strategy: Give him no reason to be suspicious of you. Let some things slide. Protect yourself if you anticipate violence.

16. THE IMAGE MAKER — will flaunt his ‘toys’, his children, his wife, his credentials & accomplishments. Admiration, attention, even glances from others, our envy or our fear are his objective. He is never satisfied. We see his arrogance & haughty strut, as he demands center stage. He will alter his mask at will to appear pitiful, inept, solicitous, concerned, or haughty & superior. Appears the perfect father, husband & friend – to those outside his home.

Defense Strategy: Ignore his childlike behaviors. Know his payoff is getting attention, deceiving or abusing others. Provide him with ‘supply’ to avert problems.

17. THE EMOTIONAL VACUUM — is the cruelest blow of all. We learn his lack of empathy. He has deceived us by his cunning ability to mimic human emotions. We are left numbed by the realization. It is incomprehensible & painful. We now remember times we saw his cold vacant eyes & when he showed odd reactions. Those closest to him become objectified & expendable.

Defense Strategy: Face the reality. They can deceive trained professionals.

18. THE SAINTLY NARCISSIST — proclaims high moral standing. Accuses others of immorality. “Hang ’em high” he says about the murderer on the 6:00 news. This hypocrite lies, cheats, schemes, corrupts, abuses, deceives, controls, manipulates & torments while portraying himself of high morals.

Defense Strategy: Learn the red flags of behavior. Be suspicious of people claiming high morals. Can be spotted at a church near you.

19. THE CALLING-CARD NARCISSIST — forewarns his targets. Early in the relationship he may ‘slip up’ revealing his nature saying “You need to protect yourself around me” or “Watch out, you never know what I’m up to.” We laugh along with him & misinterpret his words. Years later, coping with the devastation left behind, his victims recall the chilling warning.

Defense Strategy: Know the red flags & be suspicious of the intentions of others.

20. THE PENITENT NARCISSIST — says, “I’ve behaved horribly, I’ll change, I love you, I’ll go to therapy.” Appears to ‘come clean’ admitting past abuse & asking forgiveness. Claims we are at fault & need to change too. The sincerity of his words & actions appear convincing. We learn his words are verbal hooks. He knows our vulnerabilities & what buttons to push. We question our judgment about his disorder. We can disregard “Fool me once…” We hope for change & minimize past abuse. With a successful retargeting attempt, he will enjoy his second reign of terror even more if we allow him back in our lives.

Defense Strategy: Expect this. Self-impose a “No Contact” rule. Focus on the reality of his disorder. Journal past abusive behavior to remind yourself. Join a support group.

Of course the best thing to do is to permanently remove these types of people from your life. However, this is not always possible in the instance they are a family member, boss, etc. There is a self-proclaimed narcissist, Dr. Sam Vaknin, who has a site with tons of information about this disorder & gives advice on how to properly deal with people with MNPD if/when that is the case. There is also a documentary film called The Corporation that actually details these traits, applying them to common practices among many big businesses, being that corporations, under the 14th Amendment, are deemed as individuals.

My hope is that this disorder becomes more well known. There are far too many people in power who have the ability to deeply negatively impact so many peoples lives — they need to be outed & removed from their positions. It would make the World a far better place…